Do Viruses Have Brains?

I’ve always had a strange question about viruses. You know, COVID, the flu, and all those other viruses. Have you ever noticed that they seem to pick certain people? For example, I recently got sick, and my mom, who took care of me for about three days, didn’t get sick at all. But my dad, who wasn’t nearly as close to me, somehow ended up getting sick. He was still around the house and took care of me sometimes, but definitely not as much as my mom. So why did the virus choose him instead of her?

I have a theory. I think viruses have brains. I’ve always imagined that viruses can actually think and make strategic decisions. Maybe a virus sits there thinking, “Hmm, I’m going to infect kids because that’s the smartest strategy. Kids aren’t always that careful, so if I infect them, they’ll spread it to their parents, and their parents will spread it to other people, who will spread it to even more kids.” And then those kids will spread it to more kids, and those kids will spread it to even more kids. There’s not really an end goal here. Just infect more kids. According to my theory, that’s exactly what happened. I got sick, and then I spread it to my dad.

But my dad has a completely different theory. My dad is usually a pretty smart guy, although sometimes his logic is a little weird. He doesn’t believe viruses can think. Instead, he seems to believe that viruses go after stronger people, especially people who haven’t been sick for a long time. Why? Maybe because they want a challenge. I’m not entirely sure. I mean, viruses aren’t exactly the nicest things in the world. They can make people seriously sick, and some infections can even be deadly. So I wouldn’t exactly describe viruses as cute little teddy bears. They’re definitely not something you want to invite into your body.

Anyway, back to my parents. My dad sometimes complains that my mom doesn’t exercise enough, even though, honestly, I think my mom probably exercises more than he does. My mom has her own explanation for why she didn’t get sick. She says it’s because she’s healthier, stronger, and fitter. Basically, she thinks her body was better prepared to fight off the virus. But my dad thinks the exact opposite. According to his theory, viruses prefer to attack strong people because they’re harder to defeat, or perhaps because those people haven’t been infected for a long time. I don’t really understand the logic behind that. I can kind of see what he’s trying to say, but it’s not something I would genuinely believe. My dad isn’t always the brightest when it comes to these kinds of theories, although he’s usually pretty smart about everything else.

Personally, I think my mom’s explanation makes a little more sense. But then I started thinking about something. What if my dad is actually right? What if being healthy and strong makes you a bigger target for viruses? That would be terrible news for me. Because if that’s true, maybe I should stop trying to be fit. Maybe the secret to never getting sick is to become as unfit as possible. Think about it. Maybe the person who exercises the least, is the most out of shape, and does absolutely nothing all day will never get sick in their entire life. The viruses would just look at that person and think, “Nah, not worth the challenge.”

So maybe that’s my new strategy. Stop exercising, become incredibly unfit, and somehow become completely immune to every virus on Earth. Of course, I know that’s not how viruses actually work, but following my dad’s logic, it almost makes sense. Almost. Now that I’m saying it out loud, it sounds completely ridiculous. But that’s what happens when you start wondering whether viruses have brains. You begin with a simple question about why your dad got sick and your mom didn’t, and somehow end up with a theory that being completely out of shape might be the secret to perfect health.

I don’t know why, but something tells me that’s probably not the best strategy.